"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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