Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
