its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
