Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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