did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
