I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
