Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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