I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You took a bar mat shot.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
