guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
