Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
