Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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