This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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