I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
