Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize