I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
