He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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