My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
