if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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