I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
