Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize