I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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