Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
