I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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