it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
