The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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