everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
