how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
