Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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