We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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