I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you win again, gameday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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