haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
