doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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