It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
