Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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