He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
