I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
