covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
