You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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