I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
