Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
we're so committed to being not committed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
