Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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