I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
