The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
