And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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