my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My vagina is officially offended.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
