why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
