My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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