Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize