I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
