After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
