You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
