Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
