I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
