yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
