Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
