don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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