You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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