I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
