I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
