Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My bed smells like the plague
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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