soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
