A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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