i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize