How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
