Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
