we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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