apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
