He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize