I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
