Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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