he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
