i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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