He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
