so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
