her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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