Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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