You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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