So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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