College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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