i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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