Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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