Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
