just tell him i said nine months
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
