My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you never un-have a 4some
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
