So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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