Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
